Average Reading Time: 4 minutes, 58 seconds

©Scott Sheaffer, CBCC-KA, CDBC, CPDT-KA, USA Dog Behavior, LLC

“Our dogs give us so much; we should do our best to accept and embrace their unique personality.”

“Does my dog need to have a lot of dog and human friends to be happy?”

As a professional dog trainer, I hear this question all the time from my clients. Our society tends to be a social one, and often we feel most happy when surrounded by a lot of friends and attending events like concerts, parties and other social gatherings. Social media is a part of our everyday lives. So, the question is, are our dogs the same way? Do they need friends and social outings to be happy? Are they sad and lonely without them?

The Short Answer is “No”

Recent studies have shown that not only do our dogs have unique personalities, but they also have natural tendencies (i.e., genetic) that lean more toward the shy and reserved side or the outgoing and gregarious side. And neither is deemed better than the other. Sound like another species you know? How about humans?

Shy Dogs

The shy dog tends to be more reserved, cautious and easily overstimulated. He prefers a few selected friends and likes to observe things from a distance. He may be quiet in unfamiliar company and playful around familiar faces. He’s the one you see at a dog park or other social settings who sticks close to his owner. Busy and noisy environments tend to tire him out and cause some amount of stress or anxiety.

Social Butterfly Dogs

And then there’s the social butterflies of the dog world. You’ve seen them. They’re the ones with the big personalities who run up and greet every person and dog that crosses their path. They love novel experiences and prefer to be the center of attention. Initiating play is something they do well and most thrive at dog parks and doggy daycare. They get bored easily and tend to express themselves vocally. We’re drawn to their larger-than-life character as they’re fun, silly and friendly.

Your Dog’s Needs

It’s important to understand and accept your dog’s personality, regardless of what your own personality type is. Trying to make your shy dog outgoing is like taking me, who’s also shy and reserved, to a big, noisy party and forcing me to give an impromptu speech in front of everyone. Panic and anxiety would set in and I would be less than happy. I would prefer nothing more than a quiet night at home watching a good movie with my best friend.

On the flip side, preventing your social dog from enjoying frequent interaction with other dogs and people is like what most outgoing people experienced during the COVID-19 quarantine. Isolation was draining and most found it incredibly difficult to be without social interaction for so long.

As dog owners, our job is to help our dogs feel safe and loved. One way we do this is by engaging our dogs in activities and situations that appeal to their unique personality. Below are characteristics of shy and outgoing dogs and tips on how to set them up for success according to their personality.

Characteristics of Shy Dogs

Enjoy a few selected, familiar friends - Set up weekly one-on-one playdates with a favorite dog friend or find a reputable daycare that offers small playgroups. However, not all shy dogs are good candidates for doggy daycare.
Are often suspicious around strangers and novel things - Go slowly and let your dog approach on his terms, preferably ending with a positive experience. Never force him to engage or interact with things or people that cause him concern.
Prefer to watch social interactions from the sidelines - He can still enjoy the event but might need a little extra space. Give him the distance he needs to feel comfortable.
Are easily overwhelmed by excessive stimulation and excitement - Refrain from putting him in busy, noisy or overstimulating environments. These dogs often seek solitude, so provide ample opportunities for quiet and calm activities. Retreating to their “safe space” should also be an option.
Thrive on structure and routine - Knowing what to expect creates predictability which helps a timid dog feel safe.
Benefit from obedience training and interactive puzzle toys - Learning new things, such as how to perform a behavior or trick, or figuring out how a puzzle toy works goes a long way in building confidence. Your dog might achieve the feeling that’s equivalent to “I did it! Look at me!” Puzzle toys are a great way to teach problem-solving skills which can help a shy dog “come out of his shell.”
Need an owner who is understanding and patient - Shy or reserved dogs need encouragement and support when facing uncomfortable social situations. Let him stick close by you if that’s where he feels safe.

Characteristics of Outgoing Dogs

Love frequent social interactions with dogs and people - Provide ample opportunities for outings with your dog such as doggy daycare (not all dogs are good candidates), retail establishments that allow dogs (e.g., Lowe’s and restaurant patios), visits to family and friends’ homes, hiking trips, etc. Let them see the world!
Become easily bored - Provide adequate games, toys, and other forms of entertainment to keep him busy and to discourage any destructive behavior. Mental stimulation and enrichment through interactive puzzle toys are a great tool for this.
Eagerly greet visitors with over-exuberant behavior - Involve your dog in obedience training that teaches basic manners, impulse control and appropriate greeting skills.
Enjoys being the center of attention - Ignore all demand or attention-seeking behaviors such as jumping, barking/vocalizing, mouthing, licking, pawing, muzzle nudging and initiating play. Provide attention when the dog is calm and no longer exhibiting such behaviors.
Are sometimes labeled hyperactive - Provide daily structured walks (minimum 30 minutes) in addition to other forms of exercise such as fetch, chase, tug of war (when appropriate) and swimming. A long decompression or “sniffy” walk also benefits the energetic dog and helps him relax since sniffing is calming and soothing to a dog.
Thrive with boundaries and reinforced expectations - Put your dog on a Nothing in Life is Free program to provide leadership on your part and good obedience on your dog’s part. In this program, your dog must perform a requested behavior before he gets something he wants (e.g., toys, meals, opening doors, putting on leash, petting and play). For example, before throwing a toy, ask your dog to “sit” or before giving him his food, ask him to “wait” until released to get it. This type of structure and boundaries helps tremendously with the easily overexcited and boisterous dog.

Conclusion

We all have good intentions when involving our dogs in certain activities and situations. We want our dogs to be happy and enjoy life. Let’s go about it the right way. Get to know your dog, his likes and dislikes, what gives him confidence, what makes him uncomfortable, what lights up his day and what he could probably do without. Our dogs give us so much; we should do our best to accept and embrace their unique personality.

Not every dog wants to be the life of the party. And that’s OK!